From Mr.Cockroach

Dear two-legged creatures that claim that they are the King of Earth and had been killing my kinds off as if we are rabbits and dears or cows or something...alright maybe I should just cut down on the whole thing and start off...and I don't know how to write a proper letter to these insolent fickle minded creatures called humans....


Dear beloved humans,

Since the times of dinosaur, we have roamed the Earth. EVEN BEFORE YOU FILTHY HUMANS EVEN STARTED CRAWLING ON EARTH WITH YOUR FILTHY PAWS LIKE MONKEYS...!! Alright...I will try calming myself down..deep breaths deep breaths...HECK, YOU GUYS ARE WORSE THAN MONKEYS!!!


Alright...back to the topic, we were here before humans. And even when the great supposedly supreme dinosaurs went extinct because of the 'Great Depression', we still survived!! And yes, my ancestors were there to witness such an amazing phenomena. It was practically paradise for us. The volcano started erupting...spewing out the first batch of jelly beans and chocolate sundae all over the green pasture. It was beautiful....and well, the dinosaurs are either carnivorous or herbivorous, so they can't exactly eat jelly beans and stuff. But we cockroaches...that is a different story. We adore them!!! In fact till today, it is still in my genes, the love for jelly beans and chocolate sundae. (BUT HUMANS LIKE TO HIDE THESE DELECTABLE FOOD OF HEAVEN FROM ME!!!)


So, the main purpose that I am trying to emphasize that we were here before you guys were is because, we are more supreme and we are constantly being insulted. For example, there was this atrocious movie called 'Monster Vs Aliens'....where they depicted us, a great god-created being as.......

..............

..........

.....

..............

THIS!!!!

ARE YOU CRAZY KIDDING ME????

Oh my god.....they actually depicted cockroaches to be this dancing, crazy scientist that don't even have feelers long enough to attract the ladies!!!!  AND 4 LIMBS.....4 awful limbs....we have 6 just in case you missed counting when you kill us off!

In fact, talking about killing off cockroaches, *sob..sob...My cousin Penny, a lovely maiden she is, with long erotic feelers, sexy lean long limbs, and a shell so shiny, it rendered me speechless....until one day...one day... *CHOKING WITH EXTREME GRIEF..!!!

Look at her....all dead and cold now...my darling Penny,

I was going to marry her.....I..was going...*SOB!!!!!!

I even believe up to some point that cockroaches are the ancestors of humans. We stuck around longer, and humans are too dumb to figure from what they 'evolutioned' from...

(Actually some scientists matched our genetic components but the government refused to leak this information for fear of causing mass panic...but honestly I don't see the sense in that.)

Look, actually humans were supposed to look like this....

Or even like this......

And honestly...that would look way better than.....

a human...

Personally, I think God was sleeping off when the genetic reconstruction of evolution took place and turned a beautiful creature (cockroaches) into this ghastly, chinese looking blonde. Hmmm....complicating. We were less complicated. Long feelers and shiny shell, and we already look our best, none of those changing 'shells' problems. MAFAN....

And in case you guys are wondering what happens in your house when you guys are not around? 

Well.....

Good luck sleeping peacefully tonight. Cheerios.

Sincerely,

Mr Cockroach.

PS: Your poop had been tasting funny lately. I suggest you guys cut down on your fast food. ^o^

Posted in: