Just to emphasize on how weird I am...

One of the most important things for a woman is financial security.

Although this is important, they still go out and buy expensive cloths.

Although they buy expensive cloths, they still have nothing to wear.

Although they have nothing to wear, they still dress beautifully.

Although they dress beautifully, they say it's just an old rag.

Although it's an old rag, they still expect you to compliment them.

Although you compliment them, they never believe you...

Dear people who think I'm worthless,

I swear, when I evolve, I'm gonna KILL YOU ALL.

Sincerely, Magikarp.

So there I was, spitting on my fish trying to keep it alive...

text message: "I'll be there in 5 minutes. if not, read this again."

I had a busy day today converting oxygen to carbon dioxide.

Boy: I love you.

Girl: Prove it.

Boy: Ok, how?

Girl: Throw away your XBox.

Boy: Get out.

Teacher: This is NOT an assignment you can finish overnight!!!

You: Challenge accepted.

Be optimistic. Everyone you hate will eventually die.

I studied all night for this test. I'm ready!

*reads number 1* wtf is this..

With great power, comes great electricity bills.

I saw a guy fall off his bike this morning. He was looking around to see if anyone saw his fall. I made sure to make direct eye contact.

I get nervous when I'm showering and my eyes are closed with soap in my face because i think the monster will take this opportunity to attack.

When I smash a bug on the wall, I like to leave it there as a warning to the other bugs.

Romantic movies make women believe that crap like that could actually happen... Kinda like men and porn...

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, and not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Knock knock!

Who's there?

You love!

You love who?

I love YOU!

Three Dreams of a Man:

1) To be as handsome as his mother thinks.

2) To be as rich as his child believes.

3) To have as many women as his wife suspects.

I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you

I've always wanted to jump in a cab and say "FOLLOW THAT CAR!!!!!"

If a zombie apocalypse ever happens, I'm just going to surround my house with outward facing treadmills. I should be fine.

TEEHEE!!

~Twitchy Nichii

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