From Mr.Cockroach

Dear two-legged creatures that claim that they are the King of Earth and had been killing my kinds off as if we are rabbits and dears or cows or something...alright maybe I should just cut down on the whole thing and start off...and I don't know how to write a proper letter to these insolent fickle minded creatures called humans....


Dear beloved humans,

Since the times of dinosaur, we have roamed the Earth. EVEN BEFORE YOU FILTHY HUMANS EVEN STARTED CRAWLING ON EARTH WITH YOUR FILTHY PAWS LIKE MONKEYS...!! Alright...I will try calming myself down..deep breaths deep breaths...HECK, YOU GUYS ARE WORSE THAN MONKEYS!!!


Alright...back to the topic, we were here before humans. And even when the great supposedly supreme dinosaurs went extinct because of the 'Great Depression', we still survived!! And yes, my ancestors were there to witness such an amazing phenomena. It was practically paradise for us. The volcano started erupting...spewing out the first batch of jelly beans and chocolate sundae all over the green pasture. It was beautiful....and well, the dinosaurs are either carnivorous or herbivorous, so they can't exactly eat jelly beans and stuff. But we cockroaches...that is a different story. We adore them!!! In fact till today, it is still in my genes, the love for jelly beans and chocolate sundae. (BUT HUMANS LIKE TO HIDE THESE DELECTABLE FOOD OF HEAVEN FROM ME!!!)


So, the main purpose that I am trying to emphasize that we were here before you guys were is because, we are more supreme and we are constantly being insulted. For example, there was this atrocious movie called 'Monster Vs Aliens'....where they depicted us, a great god-created being as.......

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THIS!!!!

ARE YOU CRAZY KIDDING ME????

Oh my god.....they actually depicted cockroaches to be this dancing, crazy scientist that don't even have feelers long enough to attract the ladies!!!!  AND 4 LIMBS.....4 awful limbs....we have 6 just in case you missed counting when you kill us off!

In fact, talking about killing off cockroaches, *sob..sob...My cousin Penny, a lovely maiden she is, with long erotic feelers, sexy lean long limbs, and a shell so shiny, it rendered me speechless....until one day...one day... *CHOKING WITH EXTREME GRIEF..!!!

Look at her....all dead and cold now...my darling Penny,

I was going to marry her.....I..was going...*SOB!!!!!!

I even believe up to some point that cockroaches are the ancestors of humans. We stuck around longer, and humans are too dumb to figure from what they 'evolutioned' from...

(Actually some scientists matched our genetic components but the government refused to leak this information for fear of causing mass panic...but honestly I don't see the sense in that.)

Look, actually humans were supposed to look like this....

Or even like this......

And honestly...that would look way better than.....

a human...

Personally, I think God was sleeping off when the genetic reconstruction of evolution took place and turned a beautiful creature (cockroaches) into this ghastly, chinese looking blonde. Hmmm....complicating. We were less complicated. Long feelers and shiny shell, and we already look our best, none of those changing 'shells' problems. MAFAN....

And in case you guys are wondering what happens in your house when you guys are not around? 

Well.....

Good luck sleeping peacefully tonight. Cheerios.

Sincerely,

Mr Cockroach.

PS: Your poop had been tasting funny lately. I suggest you guys cut down on your fast food. ^o^

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What happens when you bring a Macbook to college...

I was up for a college project, so I just brought my MACBOOK PRO to class (note the capital letters to accentuate how important that it is not a mere laptop, but a MACBOOK PRO). The moment I flashed my macbook in class....things got a little bit out of hand.....

                                  Jennis: Ooohhh...!!! MACBOOK!!! CAMWHORING TIME BABES!!!!!

                                  (=_=!!.....Oh my.....)

Jennis: I am cute! And you can do nothing about it!!

You see....Our darling little Jennis in our class is what we call...a chameleon... She has the ability to use various types of expressions and still look adorable....(TOT!! I KNOW RIGHT??? I wish I am that adorable too....

*sobbing in a corner.....Don't mind me...I will most probably just choke myself with marshmallow then get myself drunk on milk.....or maybe green tea latte....or maybe chocolate smoothie...Yeah, thats the way to die from depression...ah, who am I kidding...

I can kill myself just by staring at a room filled with pink stuff..like ALL PINK STUFF....!!!

                           

 The sight will just blind me until the tissues in my eyes trigger an imbalance nerve impulse to my heart and make it skip 3 beats until I suffocate and throw up pink stars! Wait a minute....that doesn't sound scientifically correct...ah what the heck!)

The point is...Let me show you why I think Jennis is a chameleon of cuteness)

Look at me...thru the doorway of 'Finger-Land'

Peace sign people....!!! 

Aiyoyo...no matter at what circumstances, I must plaster my face on every single shot taken!!!!

Watch me jump into the shot with my ninja skills! 

(The guy in front was trying to give a speech about euthanesia...too boring, so...we took matters into our own hands.....!!!!)

I know...thats me in the center...in the previous pictures, all the peace signs and finger gestures were me....MY FACE MAY BE SHY, BUT MY FINGERS ARE NOT!!!!!

A shot of Jennis 'act cute' and Ping (the guy in the grey sweater) in his first camwhore shot, and my first 'facial camwhore shot'.....I know, I look diseased or something....

...erm..trying to take my first camwhore shot alone without anyone noticing.....

Jennis: OMG!!! BUSTED!!!!! Nicole is finally subjecting to her camwhoring inner self!!!!

Me: *blush....shit!

Jennis: Now move out of the picture, and let me seal my youth and the length of my wonderful tongue on this shot~!

Me: ARGH!!! I AM GETTING ANGRY!!! Class is SO BORING!!!

Jennis: You think you are the only one that can make the hulk face isit?? WATCH ME GROWL~~~!!! Cutely of course! Teehee!!!

Jennis: Oooh, I like this effect...I look like a goldfish~!!!

Me: I am so staying out of this shot......=_="

Even with effect, this girl look adorable.....o.o My god, god is so unfair....or maybe my Macbook hates me....I did threw it down the stairs today....or I dropped it....I don't really see the difference....

Jennis: I AM A GOLDFISH! WATCH MY BIG EYES BLINK!!!!

Boys: We are some long-headed aliens now...bet the chicks would dig this...!

Blur look....

Show off your teeth to the world!!! 

Hope you like these pictures...so goodbye then..yes, I am going to post only Jennis' picture, why? You tak shiok is it???? YOUR FREAKING PROBLEM LAR!!! 

(I am not lesbian...!!!)

But still goodbye....

Yeah... I SAID GOODBYE! SO LOG OFF OR JUST LEAVE A COMMENT!

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Why are you still reading this???

Get out of here!!!!!

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o.o

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OoO

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Why? You enjoy reading dots so much issit???

Weirdo.....!

Fine lar fine lar!!!!

Since you are such a nice blog reader....I will let you read more....

Joking!!!!! Go and do your homework or something......

Alright I am being lame.....

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So....

How is it hanging????

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......

Fine, good? Not dead? Or turned into a zombie yet? Still sane and eye-sightly-possible to read this? Okay, then here is more....

We will start off with something simple....4 girls!!! 

(I seriously look like a maid or something...don't ask me about the humungous hairpin...I LIKE IT! IT IS MY FREAKING RIGHT TO LOOK WEIRD IF I WANT TO. You are not my MOMMA!

You can't tell what I can't do!!!! Okay...maybe it does look weird come to think of it.....BUT THIS IS ABOUT LIBERTY, PERSONAL FREEDOM AND JUSTICE!!!!

I really should just shut up and get on with the pictures har?)

From left, Jenny, Chia Sing and Clament.....

In an attempt to look ugly...

I must say, they succeed.

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They do look like that in real life!!! I swear!!! I go to this mentally and physically incapable school, I mean we have Jennis, the chameleon (IT IS NOT NORMAL FOR SOMEONE TO LOOK ADORABLE NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!), we have me, with the large hairpin obsession....

There is Ping...which I don't know what is wrong with him yet....(but I vow to find out, no matter how huge the mountain I need to climb, or what treacherous river I need to cross, or how many madagascar cockroaches I need to eat, *chest puffed up, head tilting towards the sky, eyes half closed....fist clenched* I will....find out....the truth......)

And then there is the three of them, Jenny, Chia Sing and Clament, did I mention that they are Siamese triplets?? Well, they are. And a ugly trio too. I pity their mother. I heard that she is a cyborg...

...lol...

 (joking lar! We are all normal kids, and if you don't think we are...and believed me all these while, you must be still at that sucking your thumb stage...)

A picture of my class students pretending to listen to the presentation....I know you guys are faking it!!!!! Or maybe not....NO! I KNOW YOU GUYS ARE FAKING IT!!!!!

Up for Sales.

20 ringgit only.

Ability: Act cute. 

Get girls number.

Being incredibly tall. (So I can help you

with all the groceries you stupidly placed on the top shelf....)

Cons: Does not provide....erm...you know what service....You

'gao tim' (solve) yourself lar!

We may be far away from the Mac. But that does not deter our determination to camwhore

too!!!! HAI-YA!!!!

eRM...no comment? 

This is the baby of the class. Guess. Is he a guy or a girl???

XXXX: A very ugly girl.

WHAT? You guys took a shot of my feminine moment???? How could you???

*blush.....

Look, the only reason I am posting this up...is....

DAMN, LOOK AT HER. SHE IS AMAZINGLY PRETTY!!!!!!

.......

calm down....

calm down......

DAMN, LOOK AT HER. SHE IS AMAZINGLY PRETTY!!!!!!!

EFFECTS BONANZA

Cannot tahan......

Fear us....we are ghosts....

We steal hamburgers and dishwashers when you are not looking.

Sometimes we like to shave your pet dogs for fun....

Such a magnificent piece....this pure art should be kept in a museum

I INSIST!!!

How many people are there in this picture?

XXXX: Is this a trick question???

We are taking a picture of how we would look as dead people. Sitting ones of course.

Because it is black and white. It is old. So we look dead. Cause its old. Get it???

Ahhh...what the hell....

Shahrul: Fear me....

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Guess whose teeth???

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JENNIS!!!!

Creepy...plain creepy.....

Jennis: The dumbass is trying to steal my glory spot as the camwhore queen!!!

Jennis: I have to step up my game! And look more prominent!!!

Ping: *white flag waving!!!

Ping: Zzzzzzzz....

Me: Shhh....Ping is sleeping...

Jennis: I don't give a damn. This guy tried taking my camwhore queen post!

Me: Darling...Ping is a guy...he can't be a camwhore 'queen'....

I still have it!

Well, that is really it for this posT. Hope you enjoyed it....!!!

~Twitchy Nichii

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Just to emphasize on how weird I am...

One of the most important things for a woman is financial security.

Although this is important, they still go out and buy expensive cloths.

Although they buy expensive cloths, they still have nothing to wear.

Although they have nothing to wear, they still dress beautifully.

Although they dress beautifully, they say it's just an old rag.

Although it's an old rag, they still expect you to compliment them.

Although you compliment them, they never believe you...

Dear people who think I'm worthless,

I swear, when I evolve, I'm gonna KILL YOU ALL.

Sincerely, Magikarp.

So there I was, spitting on my fish trying to keep it alive...

text message: "I'll be there in 5 minutes. if not, read this again."

I had a busy day today converting oxygen to carbon dioxide.

Boy: I love you.

Girl: Prove it.

Boy: Ok, how?

Girl: Throw away your XBox.

Boy: Get out.

Teacher: This is NOT an assignment you can finish overnight!!!

You: Challenge accepted.

Be optimistic. Everyone you hate will eventually die.

I studied all night for this test. I'm ready!

*reads number 1* wtf is this..

With great power, comes great electricity bills.

I saw a guy fall off his bike this morning. He was looking around to see if anyone saw his fall. I made sure to make direct eye contact.

I get nervous when I'm showering and my eyes are closed with soap in my face because i think the monster will take this opportunity to attack.

When I smash a bug on the wall, I like to leave it there as a warning to the other bugs.

Romantic movies make women believe that crap like that could actually happen... Kinda like men and porn...

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, and not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Knock knock!

Who's there?

You love!

You love who?

I love YOU!

Three Dreams of a Man:

1) To be as handsome as his mother thinks.

2) To be as rich as his child believes.

3) To have as many women as his wife suspects.

I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you

I've always wanted to jump in a cab and say "FOLLOW THAT CAR!!!!!"

If a zombie apocalypse ever happens, I'm just going to surround my house with outward facing treadmills. I should be fine.

TEEHEE!!

~Twitchy Nichii

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Annoying But True

Dear God, all I ask for in the new year is a big fat bank account and a slim body. Please don't mix the two up like you did last year.
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Whenever a person on TV is being chased by a falling object like a boulder or a tree trunk, they always run directly away from it. Wouldn't a normal person take like 5 steps to the left?
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Let's all practice being polite. From now on, instead of saying "Holy sh*t!" we should say "Divine fecal matter!"
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I'm not Jesus, but I can turn water into Kool-aid.
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A key ring is a handy little device that allows you to lose all your keys at once.
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Guns don't kill people, people kill people.
Does that mean toasters don't toast toast, toast toast toast?
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Pain is nature's way of saying "don't do that." Painkillers are mankind's way of saying "no, it's okay. You can do that."
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Need to build an ark to save two of every creature?
I Noah guy.
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Girl: if you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee.
Guy: if you were my wife, I'd drink it.
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Last night in my dream, I ate a gigantic marshmallow.
This morning when I woke up, my pillow was gone.
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I like to hold my cat up in the air and sing The Circle of Life.
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So much crap comes out of your mouth your ass is jealous.
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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
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I'd like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing beehive and thought "those bastards are hiding something delicious, i know it!"
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I like turtles because they're so chill. They're like, "Hey man, I want to swim, and maybe eat some lettuce. But I'm not in a rush, cause I'm a turtle."
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The penis enlarger I bought on ebay last week arrived today. Just opened it and found that this bastard sent me a magnifying glass.
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My neighbor knocked on my door at 3AM this morning. 3AM!! Can you believe that!? Luckily for him, I was still up playing my drums.
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Next time a chiropractor cracks my neck, I'm just gonna go limp and see if he freaks out.
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First we had the mad cow disease, then bird flu, then swine flu. What is this, farmageddon?
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Pandas are awesome cause they're black, white, and asian at the same time.
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Bella: Your always cold, and pale. You can't come out in the sunlight... I know what you are.
Edward: Say it out loud.
Bella: A snowman...
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*listening to Grenade by Bruno Mars*
Catch a grenade for her? Why the hell is this bitch getting a grenade thrown at her in the first place?
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"Horatio, a man was found dead in a McDonalds restaurant."
"Well I guess he...
(puts on sunglasses)
...didn't have a happy meal."
YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHH~!!
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"Horatio, there were traces of semen found in the victim's ears."
"Well I guess our victim...
(puts on sunglasses)
...heard the killer coming."
YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHH~!!
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"Horatio, the victim barely survived being beaten with a telephone."
"Well I guess that was...
(puts on sunglasses)
...a close call."
YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHH~!!


Enjoy...
~Twitchy Nichii

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